Society today teaches us to be focused on ME. Valentine’s day is a great opportunity to shift to thinking about the other person. Looking through questions proposed for couples it’s amazing how so many of them are egocentric. Few couples will survive too much nombrilism, so for those that are ready to take the risk in the deep end here are a few ideas to spice up your time together.
1. Over the last few weeks, these are the things you did that I really appreciated.
2. I think that one thing that really stresses you is…
3. Tell me what I could do that would help you cope with that stress more comfortably.
4. I think that something you like to do but we don’t do together is …
5. If you could change one thing about me, what would that be?
6. I think I hurt you the other day when I did / said …. Do you forgive me?
7. Here are a few qualities I see in you that I really appreciate.
8. Here are qualities that I see (others, our children etc.) really like about you.
9. Is there something you would really like to do this year? Can we plan for it?
For some of us it is much easier to be perceptive of the way the other feels, but mostly we all need to work on this. When you use these questions, try not to interrupt the other person while they explain their answer, and most importantly don’t try to defend yourself no matter what they say. Asking questions to understand, and letting the other person feel understood, is so important.